Confession without an Explanation

I woke up rehearsing my confession. I was complaining about someone to my husband, Brad, the night before and knew that my actions couldn’t pass the test given to me by my mother as a child. “Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?”

What I told Brad certainly passed the first part of the test; it was true. But it wasn’t kind or necessary. I failed that test. More importantly, I failed the test found in Scripture. “Do all things without complaining or arguments” (Phil. 2:14). Some translations replace the word complaining with grumbling.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph. 4:29).

I knew I was wrong; the Holy Spirit had given me a nudge. Before starting a new day, I confessed to my husband that the words I had spoken the night before were uncalled for. No excuses, just admission of guilt. God’s mercies are new every morning.

In my book, Seven Words You Never Want to Hear, I have a chapter called Confession. In it, I say, “A confession with an explanation is no confession at all.”

Those words have come back to bite me. It’s much easier to admit to something if you offer an explanation. “Yes, I realize I shouldn’t have said that or done that, but it was because …” A simple, “I’m sorry, I was wrong,” is so much harder.

When we add a, but after a confession, we negate everything that went before.

In the Greek, confession means, “To say the same thing as another.” When I confess my sins to God, I agree with him that what he calls sin really is sin.

Not long ago I had an epiphany regarding this verse of Scripture. “If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us” (1 John 1:10). I used to read this verse and think, No one claims to be without sin. Then I realized that claiming to be without sin could refer to specific sins. Most people admit to being sinners, but some people will deny that certain things in their lives are sin.

When someone lies and then confesses to lying, is it a genuine confession if they rationalize or minimize their behavior?

“Sorry, I lied, but I didn’t think you could handle hearing the truth.”

“Please forgive me for yelling at you but if you didn’t speak to me that way I wouldn’t have to yell.”

True confession leads to genuine repentance.

Can there be genuine repentance if we refuse to agree with God about a particular behavior? How can we confess to something that we don’t really believe is sin?

If a person engaging in sex outside of marriage doesn’t think it’s wrong, how can they confess it? If they don’t confess it as a sin, then why would they repent of it? If there is no repentance, then how can there be forgiveness? Do you see the problem?

John Wesley reportedly said, “What one generation tolerates, the next will embrace.” Are we not seeing this play out today? We are living in an age where wrong is considered right, and right is considered wrong. Sin is being redefined, not just in the world but also in our churches among professing Christians. 

A friend recently told me about a conversation she had with a group of people from her church. It was a mixed group of men and women, all older than forty. Some were divorced; others had never been married; all were currently single.

“Do you think it’s okay at our age to have sex before marriage?” someone asked. Except for one voice, the answer was unanimous—of course. “God understands,” one responded. “No guy at this age is going to stick around with a woman who won’t have sex,” chimed in another.

Some in the group had grown up in this evangelical church. They knew their Bibles, yet somehow, without shame, these same people boldly embraced the world’s standards.

Sexual immorality is rampant among professing Christians. A report by the Institute for Family Studies says, “By the time they are young adults, roughly two-thirds of Evangelicals have engaged in sexual intercourse.”*

Regardless of how we redefine sin, God’s Word stands. He makes it clear that if certain behaviors are the pattern of our lives and we unapologetically persist in them, we “will not inherit the kingdom of God.” These are strong words, but they are God’s, not mine.

“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9–11)

This passage is both bad news and good news. The bad news is that if we refuse to confess and repent of our sins, we will not inherit the kingdom of God. The good news is that there is forgiveness. We can be made right with God.

King David initially tried to cover up his adultery with Bathsheba by having her husband killed. When confronted by Nathan the prophet, he confessed his sin and repented of his sin. Psalm 32 expresses the joy of restoration.

Oh, what joy for those

whose disobedience is forgiven,

whose sin is put out of sight!

Yes, what joy for those

whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,

whose lives are lived in complete honesty!

When I refused to confess my sin,

my body wasted away,

and I groaned all day long.

Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.

My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you

and stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”

And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. (Psalm 32:1–5)

David was a man after God’s own heart, not because he was free from sin but rather, he knew how to deal with his sin.

What sets apart a true follower of Jesus from one who follows in word only is a proper response to sin. You can’t confess your sin and deny your sin at the same time. God hates sin. Therefore, if I’m going to agree with God, I too must hate sin. Anything less is not a true confession, and without confession of sin, there’s no forgiveness of sin.